First time meditating.

It's funny how life pushes you towards the spiritual path. Had my beloved pet rabbit never gotten sick, I don't think I would have been guided to this path so soon. The spirits have always flirted with me and caught my eye, but I had never caved into what they wanted out of me. I was stubborn, told myself it was unscientific and said if this is something my mother does, then it can't be worth while.

But here I am, meditating and attempting to take my rabbit's pain away. She was dropped off at the vet today for surgery. The chance of her dying during it is there, so I did everything I could in this physical world to give her strength. Just now, I gave her spiritual.

This was not an easy task, meditating. I have a very hard time concentrating. Not just on the spirit world, but on simple tasks as well. I have been suggested to take up meditating from those around me who see my disability with focusing.

I have this wonderful post on Facebook over the weekend, just after the vet scheduled my rabbit's surgery for Monday:

Pain Freedom Spell- 

Think intensely about the person you want to free from pain.Visualize them in pain and agony, then visualize the pain fleeing from them as you chant the following, nine times (three sets of three). 

"Wrap thee in cotton,
Bind thee with love,
Protection from pain,
Surrounds like a glove,
Brightest of blessings,
Surround thee this day (night),
For thou art cared for,
Healing thoughts sent in flight. "

It was like fate. My rabbit was and is in so much pain. This could be the first meditation practice I attempt. If I can take away one drop of pain, I will be so pleased. To be honest, I have no idea if it worked. But I gave it a try and all I can do for her is try. 

Lit a Yankee vanilla scented candle and I prepared my meditation. I muted the TV that was a distraction, found some meditation music on Youtube and began.

First I trained my brain to focus, not even on my rabbit but just focus. I focused on the darkness of my eyelids, the heat of the candle. Just anything that will break me away from this level of conscience. I can't repeat enough how difficult it is for me. So many thoughts flickered in my head, totally unrelated to focusing. 

I went into this trance. I'm not quite sure how it happened but my body felt light. I felt my head titling back and my weight was slowly shifting backwards. Why this happened I have no idea. It was like someone was gently guiding me that way. It was not forceful at all and I felt no fear. Eventually I was flat on my back in my soft bed, laying there. Going into a trance my arms felt light as feathers. They lifted and moved to my chest in sync. 

Lifting myself back up, I focused. I focused on my rabbit. I had to take it slowly. the concentration was breaking easily and I didn't force anything. If I broke the thoughts I just simply started back to thinking. I felt anxious at times with my lack of center but I kept at it.

I imagined my rabbit's pain. At this time, sitting straight up, I'm not sure even when it happened but my body was rotating. Like a cartoon character that had just been punched and was dazed. I was sitting and my upper body was swirling in circles, guided by my head. It was very faint, nothing dramatic, but I wasn't doing it. I had never done anything like that to my body before. Tears swelled in my eyes. I'm not quite sure if it was me or her.... my nose became runny and my lips extremely dry.

Imagining her pain, I broke in and out. I'm disappointed that I couldn't connect with it fully. But I did somewhat. I felt it. The lack of hunger, my head felt congested and it seemed as though my lungs were only taking in half of the air that it usually would. Those were all things she has been feeling. I highly doubt I felt 1% of what she did. I only wish I could have connected more.

Then to imagine taking away her pain. I tried, I tried my hardest. This was the most difficult part for me. I imagined myself in the operating room where she is, petting her, holding her, caressing her head just like she likes. I knew she doesn't like to be held, but I wanted to cradle her in my arms and assure her everything is okay. I spoke to her. Rabbits recognize your voice and I have been speaking to her like crazy since she's been hurt. She knows I'm the one that cares for her. 

I then sat her back on the table and petted her some more. I started reading the chants. I changed the last line from "healing thoughts sent in flight" to "healing thoughts sent in way," to rhyme with day. I had a hard time remembering the words if I didn't rhyme...

There I imagined a shield over her as they did their work. A little shield to prevent the procedure from putting in too much pain. To keep her alive through all of this. There's a chance she'll die and I wanted to give her any chance I could. If it was just 1% more, then it was worth it.

Looking back on the ordeal it was interesting. It was enlightening. I now have a headache. I've never been one to have one. Rational could tell me that the only time I get a headache is when I cry. It was only a few tears, not usually enough to give me one. Could tapping into my inner psyche give me a headache? Maybe. I'd like to speak to those who know and understand. I'd like a guardian in all of this. To explain the things that are happening. For now I'll depend on myself.